I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
