You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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