home. puking in laundry basket.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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