Soap is not a condiment
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
