I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
