when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
