I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
