Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
