it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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