Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
