last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
