im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
