Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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