So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
