Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
