Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
