Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
