he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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