I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
