It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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