So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
