I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
