you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
