I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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