is your mom at the bar?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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