i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
