She announced her abortion via fbk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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