My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
