thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
