I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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