Kiss
Puke
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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