my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
