i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
