didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
