I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
