So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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