I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
