Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
