You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
