Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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