you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
