I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
