you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
