you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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