please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
