did you get engaged???
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
