In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i don't like sucking hair
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
