It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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