The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
