I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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