also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
then he tried to convert me to islam
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
